Well, this is a load of bull – there’s a new zodiac sign?

October 12, 2016 8 Comments

Remember where you were when you found out Pluto wasn’t a planet anymore? (I’m still a little butthurt about that, by the way.) Well, now our friends over at NASA are messing with us again by announcing that there’s actually THIRTEEN zodiac signs instead of twelve… sort of.

Take it from a Trekkie: NASA studies astronomy, not astrology. Many, many people (myself included!) take their horoscope with a grain of salt. But NASA denies they’re ruining astrology as we know it… they’re actually blaming this current situation on lazy Babylonians – I kid you not.

NASA says that some 3000 years ago when the Babylonians were picking astrological signs based on constellations for their zodiac, they actually had thirteen, but dropped one to align with their 12-month calendar. The one that got the shaft? Ophiuchus. (Say that five times fast!)

Zodiac, NASA, new astrological sign, 13th astrological sign, Ophiuchus, new zodiac chart

Now, 3000 years later, the sky looks different than it did to the Babylonians because the Earth’s axis has shifted. I think it might have something to do with the impending election, or possibly the Kardashians… just a hypothesis.

Anyhow, NASA is downplaying their role in this intergalactic drama:

“So, we didn’t change any zodiac signs…we just did the math.”

Calvin and Hobbes 9 17 1990

(Apologies in advance to my BFF, who just so happens to be a math teacher. You do the Lord’s work.)

Anyhow, here’s the breakdown of the New and Unimproved zodiac signs:

  • Capricorn: January 20 – February 16
  • Aquarius: February 16 – March 11
  • Pisces: March 11 – April 18
  • Aries: April 18 – May 13
  • Taurus: May 13 – June 21
  • Gemini: June 21 – July 20
  • Cancer: July 20 – August 10
  • Leo: August 10 – September 16
  • Virgo: September 16 – October 30
  • Libra: October 30 – November 23
  • Scorpio: November 23 – November 29
  • Ophiuchus: November 29 – December 17
  • Sagittarius: December 17 – January 20

I’m not entirely certain how the date overlap thing works – for instance, if you’re born on March 11, are you both an Aquarius and a Pisces? Alert Readers™ know I love me a good portmanteau, so does that make them an Aquapisces? And what about the poor people born on December 17? Are they doomed to become Ophiuchusagittarians? (Say THAT five times fast!)

For now, it seems there’s no need to panic. Most astrologists are not bringing poor Ophiuchus into the fold, casting him back out into the cosmic cold as did the ancient Babylonians. This Taurus, for one, is pretty pleased… I’m pretty stubborn.

 

What’s your sign? (Man, that sounds like a bad pickup line!) Would yours have changed drastically? Do you ever read your horoscope?

8 Comments

  1. Reply

    Cailyn Noland

    October 12, 2016

    I don’t want to brag… but I was a Taurus and still am a Taurus… but since it’s May 13th, I’m an Aritaur… Which sounds like a dinosaur. So I’m basically the coolest.

    • Reply

      Caitlin

      October 12, 2016

      SHUT YOUR FACE!!! You are The Coolest Person I Know. You were BEFORE, but now that I know about the human-dinosaur hybrid thing, it’s capitalized.

      P.S. You have officially become Aritaur. I dub thee “Aritaur”. xoxo

      • Reply

        Cailyn

        October 12, 2016

        I’ll be Aritaur all day long. It sounds Elven… now where is that dreamboat Legolas? #sorryJosh #notsorry

        • Reply

          Caitlin

          October 13, 2016

          I would totally start a Kickstarter to see Orlando Bloom dress up as Legolas again and hear him murmur things in Elvish while looking vaguely concerned. #totallyNOTsorry

  2. Reply

    Amanda | My Gluten-Free Miami

    October 12, 2016

    LOL. This was extremely entertaining. I don’t pay much attention to astrological signs, but I would still be a Leo. Don’t tell my mom and brother that instead of being in the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius, they are solid Scorpions. Good thing we don’t really take much stock in that. Loved the blog!

    • Reply

      Caitlin

      October 13, 2016

      Thank you so much for reading, Amanda! It’s funny how many people who would still be their old sign. As you said, good thing we don’t put too much stock in it 😉

  3. Reply

    Jen Smith

    October 13, 2016

    I’m an Aries now!? I was so content being a Taurus. My whole life has been a lie!?!? I’m definitely blaming the Kardashians. This is the worst.

  4. Reply

    Paula, The Geeky Shopaholic

    October 14, 2016

    Lol I think I’ll stay a Pisces!

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