Happy Fri-yay, everyone! I hope you’re sitting down (or sprawled out on the couch – no judgement here!), because I’ve got the real news of the week for you.
Shall we get started?
1) Revenge, elevated to an artform
This is a local news story here in Boston that unsurprisingly made it beyond the state line, because… well… it’s pretty damn funny! Abu Musa used to own a 7-11 franchise in Southie. (Side note: If you’re not from ’round these here parts, petty and/or actual revenge is somewhat of an Olympic sport in Southie. People will slash tires, smash car windows, etc. if one dares to take “their” parking spot on the street during the winter. Some people would never live anywhere else; these people are crazy.)
Frustrated with the corporate rules surrounding franchises – primarily, you MUST sell those little hot dogs that have been under the heat lamp since the Johnson administration – Musa eventually lost his store and settled with the 7-11 mothership. However, we’re just getting to the good part.
He opened another convenience store practically right across the street, and named it:
Yes, that’s right, 6-Twelve. And before you ask, he does NOT sell hot food, thankyouverymuch.
2) You are more stylish than you think
I was stunned – yes, STUNNED – to learn that, for once in my life, I’ve been ahead of a trend. “Octopus buns” are apparently a Thing™ now… and if you’re like me, your head is probably cocked slightly, brow furrowed, as you wonder, “WTF is an octopus bun?”
(Spoiler alert: Sadly, it is not a new delicious sushi-type thing.)
An octopus bun is a messy bun on the top of your head, with pieces of hair sticking out of it. I’ve been rocking this shit for years. Like, ever since I’ve had hair. It’s not a coincidence that this trend is sweeping the nation right around the time that we’re all getting ready to start mopping sweat away from our various ladyparts… OR IS IT?!
3) FBI Director gets us asking the REAL questions
In another sign that the impending heat is starting to get to us, the Twitterverse was on fire this week during former FBI Director James Comey’s appearance in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee. I’m not referring to Comey’s testimony, though – I’m talking about all the people who apparently, inexplicably, found themselves thinking of James Comey as a sex symbol.
I swear I am not making this up.
BREAKING: Comey is lowkey hot
— Katie Ledoux (@kledoux) June 8, 2017
“The statue of justice has a blindfold on. You’re not supposed to be peeking out to see if your patron is pleased.” #50ShadesofComey
— Heather & Jessica (@fuggirls) June 8, 2017
Don’t @ me but James Comey is hot and I’m gonna need a moment to sort through these feelings
— Summer Cheyenne (@SmmrFx) June 9, 2017
i’m just gonna go right out & say it…..tbh i think james comey is hot
— courto (@courtneyeyey) June 8, 2017
What I think is happening is that people are realizing that he’s 6’8″. SIX FOOT EIGHT, y’all. Plus, he seems really earnest. This is probably embarrassing the shit out of him. I mean, the man said “Lordy” – I am legitimately laughing while writing this!
4) TAKE ALL MY MONEY
Okay – time to get it together after all the Comey hotness. I know it’s going to be difficult, but just try for a few minutes.
I LOVE me a good portmanteau. So, when I was reading the New York Times the other day and read a headline referencing a “fauxdega”, I was instantly sold – total clickbait for a person like me. When I actually opened the article, though, something so delightful and magical was there waiting for me – a fake bodega (or “fauxdega”, if you will!) where EVERYTHING is made of felt. Adorable, heart-wrenchingly cute felt.
Lucy Sparrow is a British artist whose medium is… you guessed it… felt. She’s done this before: she’s made multiple stores entirely from felt in the UK. You can actually purchase items at this one in New York City – most run from $20-40, or you can buy the whole kit and caboodle for $500,000. (Anyone want to go in on this with me?!)
5) It’s getting hot in here
It’s about to get steamy in here again.
One of my favorite YouTubers, QPark, filmed a video of himself strolling around New York City in a romphim for ten hours. Bold statement, but it’s quite possibly the best thing I’ve seen all year.
(Heads up: NSFW language, so if you’re watching this at work, definitely wear headphones. Or, don’t. I don’t know what kind of an office you work in.)
I have to say, my faith in humanity has been restored. The vast majority of people are SO damn excited to see him out and about in the romphim! Live and let live, people.