It’s almost the weekend – huzzah! Get started a little early by reading this post at work, while sitting on the train, or perhaps while your children are arguing for the 87th time this
week day… remember, this is a judgement-free zone!
And hopefully, you’re having a better week than these people:
1) The crappiest place on Earth
Earlier this week, police, fire, and even a HAZMAT crew rushed to Disneyland when a flock of geese flying overhead pooped on 17 people.
I swear I am not making this up.
I have so many questions. For instance, how much poop was there, exactly? Why were the POLICE called? And a HAZMAT team? It’s bird shit, not an overturned oil tanker.
So fowl play was not suspected?
— Chris Klosowski (@cklosowski) June 10, 2017
Anyhow, the wonderful folks at Disney apparently brought everyone who had been affected by this tragedy behind the scenes to hose off in one of their special private bathrooms and gave them clean clothes. So… it actually ended up being kind of the Best Day Ever, if you have a sense of humor? They say (whoever “they” are) that a bird pooping on you is good luck, after all!
2) Smells like… Swedish spirit?
If you find yourself needing to freshen up after an encounter with waterfowl, pretty soon you can check the aisles at IKEA for a solution to your troubles. They’re making a perfume.
“But we are also curious to explore the scent of IKEA, if there is one – what does IKEA smell like?”
I have never once asked myself this question.
3) What has been seen cannot be unseen
So, it’s almost officially summer (although Mr. Seeking Ambition has been going swimming in the VERY cold Massachusetts ocean for weeks now!) and people are naturally talking about their bathing suit bodies, blah blah blah. My stance is this: my beach body is whatever I happen to be wearing when I show up at the beach.
I CANNOT ABIDE.
This is the “Dad Bod” bathing suit. It’s a Thing™, and it needs to be killed with fire. Kelly Ripa wore one on Live! With Kelly And Ryan yesterday and it was even more disturbing to see it in motion.
Just… no. To quote my beloved Captain Jean-Luc Picard:
“The line must be drawn here! This far – no further!”
4) Beautiful disaster
At first glance, these look like artisan-crafted hipster popsicles that you might pay $5 a piece for at a music festival. They’re actually a shocking display of the pollution in the waters of Taiwan.
Three art students from the National Taiwan University of the Arts gathered contaminated water from 100 different places in the city – drains, rivers, the ocean. They then poured what they found – some natural material, and quite a bit of man-made material – into popsicle molds, froze them, and coated them with sealant.
Seeing pollution presented this way really makes you think, doesn’t it?
5) Where’s Waldo?
Dennis Rodman – former NBA player, former Madonna paramour, current apparent quasi-ambassador to North Korea – is visiting North Korea at the moment for… well, I’ll just let him explain.
“We’re trying to bring everything together. If not, at least we tried. We’re trying to open doors between both countries.”
What I find most fascinating about Dennis’s junket is the gifts he came bearing for Kim Jong-un:
- A copy of Donald Trump’s 1987 book The Art of the Deal, because obviously
- Two autographed basketball jerseys, in case a flock of geese pooped on them during the visit
- Some fancy soap (because everyone keeps those as emergency presents when you need to give someone a gift)
- A copy of Where’s Waldo?: The Totally Essential Travel Collection, because he was reading it on the flight
- And, most puzzlingly (ha!), a mermaid puzzle. I’ve got nothing.
Wow. Looking back, it’s been kind of a mess of a week! Here’s a wholesome comic as a palate cleanser:
Would you buy IKEA perfume? If you’ve been pooped on by a bird, was it actually good luck? Do you think Dennis Rodman owns a Dad Bod bathing suit? Let’s discuss in the comments section!