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T.G.I. Five-Days – Week Ending July 6, 2018

July 6, 2018 40 Comments

They – whoever “they” are – say that crime rates rise during the summer, and I’d argue that stupidity levels tend to surge right along with the mercury. This week’s edition of T.G.I. Five-Days features some serious headscratchers, spanning from your friendly neighborhood Average Joe all the way to one of our very own governmental agencies!

(I know – crazy shit stemming from the very top. I was shocked too.)

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

1) Scammer gets scammed

Bird stealing bread from a bag

This is a photo of a bird stealing bread as opposed to the ACTUAL criminal, in case this is at all unclear.

A New Hampshire woman was arrested this week for scamming an internet scammer. Yes, you read that right… as it turns out, two wrongs don’t make a right!

Wolfeboro police report that Jennifer Wozmak got herself ensnared in a whole Law & Order episode’s worth of trouble when she scammed a scammer that they were investigating. (Seriously.) A man called the police after his bank account was hacked into and funds were used to buy and ship a laptop to a UPS location. The scammer, located in a different country, organized another scam to hire someone off of Craigslist who would pick up the ill-gotten laptop and ship it somewhere else.

You still with me?

So, Ms. Wozmak responded to the Craigslist ad and got herself a job. The twist is that upon picking up the laptop, she decided to keep it for herself. She mailed a box full of magazines (!) to the address she was given and went on living her best life.

Somehow, this masterful plan went awry, and Jennifer found herself arrested and charged with “theft by unauthorized taking”. (Isn’t that… kind of… what theft is?)

 

2) Time to delete your nudes

 

Is your boss acting strangely this week? Is your mother-in-law not responding to your texts?

If you have a Samsung Galaxy S9, S9+, or Note 8 phone, it may be because the phone’s Messages app has been helpfully sending all your photos to everyone in your contacts list.

This man is plotting his hasty escape via boat after realizing his Samsung phone sent nude pictures to his girlfriend’s mother.

Samsung users have been posting all over the internet about the glitch, which has another delightful quirk: There is no notification on the sender’s phone that this has taken place. Instead, the recipients of these unsolicited nudes, memes, and cat pictures are the ones who have to notify the sender so that they can arrange to die of embarrassment.

Samsung is “…aware of the reports regarding this matter and [their] technical teams are looking into it. Concerned customers are encouraged to contact [them] directly.”

The use of “concerned” has me, well, concerned. What are they going to do for you if you accidentally sent 4000 selfies to your ex? Or your entire collection of Star Trek memes?

DON’T YOU DARE JUDGE ME THAT IS A TOTALLY NORMAL THING TO HAVE ON YOUR PHONE

 

3) 🎶 Ba da ba ba baaaaa – I’m hatin’ it 🎶

McDonald's neon sign

Behold! A fancy McDonald’s sign.

Our neighbors to the north celebrated their own national holiday this week – Canada Day was July 1. A Hamilton, ON man decided to celebrate by ordering a burger and fries from McDonald’s via delivery. (That last part is important.)

So, an intrepid Uber Eats driver picked up the goods and dropped them off at the home of Canada Man (cousin of Florida Man). Shortly thereafter, Canada Man called 911. The emergency? HIS BURGER AND FRIES WERE COLD.

< insert lame joke about “UN-Happy Meal” here >

Police spokesperson Jackie Penman commented: “He was extremely upset. There was a communication between the officers and the individual. They brought him to an understanding that it wasn’t a police matter.”

(I’m totally going to start using the phrase “bring to an understanding” more frequently – it’s such a good euphemism.)

Ms. Penman went on to say:

“The [911] system is meant for life and death emergencies. A cold hamburger and fries certainly does not constitute that.”

I realize that trying to apply logic here is akin to attempting to reason with a toddler, but I can’t help but think: OBVIOUSLY your Mickey D’s isn’t going to retain its freshness (?) after a car ride to your home! And who gets McDonald’s delivered, anyway?! I am so perplexed.

 

4) File under “Expensive Mistakes”

Statue of Liberty

This is the ACTUAL Statue of Liberty – not the sexy impostor from Las Vegas.

The Statue of Liberty has been getting a lot of press this week, what with it being the 4th of July and a woman getting arrested for climbing her. Her latest headline? The United States Postal Service has been ordered to pay $3.5 million for putting the wrong famous face on a series of stamps. (Yes, you read that correctly.)

Back in 2011, the USPS issued a series of stamps honoring Lady Liberty. What they didn’t realize until far too late – three months after the release, to be exact – was that they used a photo of the exterior of the New York-New York Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas instead of the New York icon.

The sculptor of the stylized version, Robert Davidson, was understandably shocked when his wife brought home a book of stamps featuring the face he designed. He sued the USPS for a share of the $70 million in stamp profits, with his lawyers noting in their filings that the Vegas sculpture is “unmistakably different from the original and was more ‘fresh-faced,’ ‘sultry’ and even ‘sexier'”.

That’s right – even our statues are under pressure to be sexy these days.

A federal judge agreed, ultimately awarding Davidson $3.5 million.

How would you go about documenting a mistake like this in an employee’s file? Discuss.

 

5) Hot Tub Margarita Bear is having more fun than you ever will

You know, it’s been a long week, even though there was a holiday right smack in the middle. Rather than regale you with another misadventure from your fellow man, I’m going to share this story of a bear who invited himself to use a guy’s hot tub and drink his margaritas.

There’s a raccoon in my neighborhood that breaks into my compost bin and smears food all over my driveway… somehow, that doesn’t seem as exciting in comparison.

 

Have you ever had fast food delivered? And what’s with all those families in fast food commercials that bring the food HOME to eat? Discuss these pressing issues and whatever else is on your mind in the comments!

 

the news you need to know because I told you so

40 Comments

  1. Reply

    ThoseGilligans

    July 6, 2018

    I LOVED your article!! Oh my goodness I’m still laughing about the woman who scammed the scammer! I’m surprised she got intouble but hey. Two wrongs.
    Great post

  2. Reply

    Shelby Vertes

    July 6, 2018

    I am loving your sense of humor in this! Hilarious post!

  3. Reply

    MissHarleyRose

    July 6, 2018

    I love that the scammer got scammed. Its definitely nice when people get a taste of their own medicine.

  4. Reply

    Joanna

    July 6, 2018

    I did hear about the glitch with the Samsung phones. How embarrassing for those who actually had nudes sent to their relatives. The scammer who scammed a scammer was brilliant!

  5. Reply

    vballangel5

    July 6, 2018

    I’d be horrified if my phone sent pictures to random people lol. That’s why I don’t take nude pics

  6. Reply

    Sarah Bailey

    July 6, 2018

    Nooo oh my goodness I hadn’t heard about the phone thing what a nightmare for some people! I would be mortified if the wrong photo randomly sent.

  7. Reply

    Tara Pittman (@momknowsbest15)

    July 6, 2018

    These are great stories. I love the one about the scammers who get caught.

  8. Reply

    valerie christie

    July 6, 2018

    Oh wow! That is quite an interesting story of the scammer getting scammed. You are correct though, two wrongs don’t make it right.

  9. Reply

    Yeah Lifestyle

    July 6, 2018

    Hahahaha this has got me in stiches, the best one of all was the scammer who tried to scam another scammer…this post is totally epic!

    https://www.yeahlifestyle.com

  10. Reply

    The Coffee Mom (@Jessi_Sullivan)

    July 6, 2018

    I would be SO salty if all of my pictures ( nudes or not) got sent out to my whole contacts list! I have actually been thinking about getting a new phone and now I’m like hmmm so I want this new Samsung lol

  11. Reply

    serena hale

    July 6, 2018

    These are too funny. The 1st one (scammer vs scammer) is something totally they did not expect I bet. Cool post.

  12. Reply

    Hollie

    July 6, 2018

    Thank you for these LOLZ today. I enjoy how light hearted your blog is and we could all use more of that lately.

  13. Reply

    Leigh Suznovich

    July 6, 2018

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the stupidity in some of these. Love your sense of humor!!

  14. Reply

    Tina Gleisner

    July 6, 2018

    Love the scammer got caught for scamming another scammer. Sadly it didn’t sound far fetched which is what’s so sad in the world today.

  15. Reply

    Kaitlyn

    July 6, 2018

    Hilarious! The phones though… Oh. My. God! How awful is that? I feel like my phone is such a private place, (not like I take nudes of myself, just embarrassing AF selfies and junk.)

  16. Reply

    Jarkable

    July 6, 2018

    That first story is absolutely hilarious. Some weird karma going on there. That Samsung glitch has the potential to ruin some live, lol. Great post, needed a laugh

  17. Reply

    Tara

    July 7, 2018

    Yikes! That would be terrible for my phone to send out photos to everyone, even though they are all “PG”.

  18. Reply

    Shahla

    July 7, 2018

    These stories made me laugh! Oh my gosh the Samsung glitch must have caused lots of turmoil!

  19. Reply

    Lala Kerry (@lalakrry)

    July 7, 2018

    I think the most scary part was when Samsung glitch happened. Even though no nude photo taken but if my pictures was sended to my ex, that will be bad XD

  20. Reply

    joyfullyunexpected

    July 7, 2018

    I love your writing style!! The articles are very funny. I think it is great the scammer in the first article got arrested. I hope she learned her lesson. I highly doubt it, but wishful thinking.

  21. Reply

    adriana

    July 7, 2018

    Ok this gave me a good laugh that I absolutely needed!

  22. Reply

    Annie

    July 7, 2018

    These stories gave me a good laugh! I love the bear in the hot tub, so cute!
    xoxo
    Annie

  23. Reply

    Jenni

    July 7, 2018

    That Samsung issue is equally horrifying as it is entertaining and I totally think that bear is living his best life.

  24. Reply

    Shabby Chic Boho (@terrishutterbug)

    July 7, 2018

    I had to lol when I read that a scammer got scammed. But bummer that they were charged, lol. I do have one of those phones and I’d die if all of my contacts got my photos. Not because of nudes, I would never, but my grandkids take the worst photos of me on it lol.

  25. Reply

    lavandamichelle

    July 7, 2018

    What an interesting post! The phone thing seems really scary, I couldn’t imagine. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  26. Reply

    Anna

    July 7, 2018

    Ok, this is my first time stopping by and I love this post!! This is awesome and definitely the kind of news I like to read about. Lol and thank goodness I don’t have a Samsung! Not that I have any nude pics lol but oh my! That Statue of Liberty news is too funny!

  27. Reply

    jplagens

    July 7, 2018

    the scammer one is pretty funny, but the Samsung one, oh gosh. I will NEVER have a picture that can’t accidentally get shared. That is horrific.

  28. Reply

    Aduke Schulist

    July 7, 2018

    Oh wow! I can only imagine how many lives were “ruined” because of #2. I can’t even imagine. I guess that’s another reason to never take nudes

  29. Reply

    Amber Hanne

    July 7, 2018

    Omg I had a good laugh at these new stories haha! Being from Ontario myself, I loved reading about the Hamilton man!

  30. Reply

    TheSuperMomLife

    July 7, 2018

    This is one of the best things I’ve read in a while. I love ridiculous stories like these. Thank you for sharing and please share more in the future!

  31. Reply

    simplysensationalfood

    July 8, 2018

    The one about the cold MacDonalds meal made me chuckle. How can a person be so silly as to call the police to report a cold meal!!!

  32. Reply

    katrina m gehman

    July 8, 2018

    so glad i don’t have a samsung. no way i want my contacts having pics i have in my phone. talk about awkward.

  33. Reply

    Hannah Marie

    July 8, 2018

    I’ve heard about the Samsung phone sending photos to random people on your contact list and really, it is a bit scary. But then, I have no Samsung S9 so I felt a little better. lol!

  34. Reply

    ashley

    July 8, 2018

    I love your sense of humor!! I was reading this laughing the scammer getting scammed and then of course was worried since I have the phone that was glitchy LOL I have deleted everything that may embarrass me just in case.

  35. Reply

    Nicole

    July 8, 2018

    What a sense of humor! These stories gave me a good laugh. Thanks for sharing!

  36. Reply

    Nicole Wilder

    July 8, 2018

    Can’t believe the issue that Samsung is having I would be mortified if my nudes got sent out.

  37. Reply

    Athena

    July 8, 2018

    Love your sense of humor in this post! I needed a good laugh today and this about did it.

  38. Reply

    Anosa

    July 10, 2018

    Scam the scammer no that is epic lol though slightly stupid for Jennifer hahaha

  39. Reply

    Toughcookiemommy

    July 12, 2018

    That actually happened to an old boss of mine. He sent compromising photos of his wife accidentally to his employees.

  40. Reply

    Georgia Boanoro

    July 16, 2018

    Such a fun article, loved this read! my fave is the bear in the tub, so cute!

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