Let's get started with the first T.G.I. Five-Day of 2018!

T.G.I. Five-Days – Week Ending January 5, 2018

· The News You Need To Know Because I Told You So ·

January 5, 2018 49 Comments

Guess who’s back, back again

Caitlin’s back; tell a friend

(adapted from the legendary “Without Me” by Eminem)


You may or may not have noticed, but I took a brief hiatus from writing last year. I apologize profusely for depriving you all of my special brand of snark, but I had some MAJOR healing to do in the brain area. The good news is that I am entering 2018 healthier and happier (and stronger and snarkier!) than I have been in several years! I’m really excited to be back writing again.

Seeing as how this is the first Friday of 2018 – let’s kick things off with the first T.G.I. Five-Day of the year!


1) Oregonians are all fueled up over self-service

People all over Oregon had their minds blown this week after the passage of a law allowing self-service gas stations. I grew up in Massachusetts where every man, woman, child, and four-legged friend pump their own gas, so I was pretty darn surprised to learn that this had been illegal up until this point. (Fun Fact™: The only state where it is still illegal to do this is New Jersey.)

It wasn’t as if this law came into existence overnight. NPR notes that for the last two years, stations in certain rural counties have been allowed to offer self-service from 6PM to 6AM. Yet on New Year’s Day, confusion and hilarity spread throughout the land.

From the CBS affiliate in Medford, Oregon’s Facebook page:

People are VERY concerned about getting gas all over themselves, or smelling like gas forever. Do people in Oregon know how to clean themselves up after using the restroom? Or is there an ungodly stench of urine as soon as you cross over state lines?

I had no idea there were packs of transients roaming the streets of Oregon, looking to mess with hapless fuel-seekers like trolls guarding a bridge. “Answer me these questions three!”

Here is footage from the first few days of this developing crisis:


2) It’s raining… iguanas?

I can personally attest that it’s been FUH-reezing for over a week here in Massachusetts – and we’re not the only part of the country feeling the effects of the cold. All the way down in Miami, temperatures have been far below normal (although better than here in Boston!) – some days it’s even registered into the 30s.

Imagine sauntering out onto your lanai, Dorothy Zbornak-esque, and encountering iguanas raining from the trees:

It's raining... iguanas?

Credit: Frank Cerabino/Palm Beach Post, via Associated Press, via The New York Times

They’re not dead, it turns out – they’re just stunned by the cold, potentially being able to perk right back up once they’re warm again. Ron Magill, communications director for Zoo Miami, commented: “When the temperature goes down, they literally shut down, and they can no longer hold on to the trees… which is why you get this phenomenon in South Florida that it’s raining iguanas.” He also went on to note that the larger the iguana is, the better its chance of survival.

Fun(?) Fact™: Iguanas can be six feet long. So just step right over the lizard the size of an adult that’s splayed out in your front yard… chances are he’ll recover and potentially run for political office. (This IS Florida we’re talking about, after all.)


3) The “Meat Bandit” is on the loose

This is definitely not as terrifying as the gas crisis in Oregon, but still noteworthy: Police in Oklahoma City are on the hunt for a man who stole $400 worth of beef jerky from a convenience store last month. They’ve dubbed him the “Meat Bandit”, and I’m feeling supremely proud of myself for not touching that one with a ten-foot pole.

I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a single piece of beef jerky in my entire life, let alone $400 worth… which leads me to my question:


4) Squirrel caught with paws in the cookie jar

Police in upstate New York received an urgent distress call earlier this week from a woman claiming the following:

  • A squirrel broke into her house
  • Said squirrel was eating cookies in her kitchen
  • Said squirrel also turned the radio on really loudly

Here is the shocking crime scene footage (you’re going to want to have the volume up for this!):


5) Baby seal sets out in search of pizza

Let’s end today with a gem of a tale from where I grew up: Cape Cod! Police in Yarmouthport, MA were summoned to Pizza By Evan (Fun Fact™: My husband and I used to eat at this place all the time back in the day!) because of a baby seal in the parking lot. The poor little seal, who was only 3 feet long and 40 pounds, had wandered out of the marsh and crossed a very busy road, all in search of the perfect slice.

Bystanders protected him until the police and a veterinarian from IFAW arrived to rescue him.

SEAL SET BACK TO SEA! Our very special late night visitor has been given a clean bill of health by wildlife officials…

Posted by Yarmouth Police Dept. on Saturday, December 30, 2017

Does anyone else think that little seal’s face says “I’d do it again, too!” all over it?


Do you know how to pump your own gas? What kind of cookies do you think the squirrel ate? What’s your favorite kind of pizza? Let’s discuss in the comments!


  1. Reply


    January 5, 2018

    Ok I’m still laughing from the convenience store question! So.Much.Candy would have to be my answer! $400 in beef jerkey?!? Good grief I can’t even imagine.

    • Reply


      January 5, 2018

      I’m going with candy too! And maaaaybe a little cache of Gatorade!

  2. Reply

    Melissa Chapman

    January 5, 2018

    I love the news according to you. Why does NJ not allow you to pump gas? That seal is so cute and they should give him a slice. Look forward to the next installments.

    • Reply


      January 6, 2018

      I have no idea why you can’t pump it yourself in NJ… kind of random!

  3. Reply

    Angela Thiede

    January 5, 2018

    Illegal to pump your own gas?!?! What kind of world do I live in that I’ve had to pump my own gas for nearly 20 years?

    These stories are fantastic. I laughed a couple of times. The meat bandit… **shakes head** I’m looking forward to more installments.

    • Reply


      January 6, 2018

      Thank you so much for reading! I don’t know how I’ve lived all these years pumping my own gas, either haha!

  4. Reply

    Karen Morse

    January 5, 2018

    OMG! I missed these updates! They always make me laugh. Those people complaining about pumping their own gas sound like whiny babies. Also, why would anyone steal $400 worth of beef jerky?! I’d rather go with candies, lol. The last news is GOLD. SO adorable!

    • Reply


      January 6, 2018

      You are SO sweet, Karen! I am so very happy to be back. And I’m right there with you on the candy thing too!

  5. Reply


    January 5, 2018

    Welcome back! These are some amusing stories. The one in Oregon cracks me up.

    • Reply


      January 6, 2018

      That story totally wrote itself! The comments on that Facebook thread were pure gold.

  6. Reply


    January 5, 2018

    So the gas thing. I have pumped gas twice in my life and now I always ensure my husband is in the car when I need it. There are no full service gas stations in my area. But Oregon, that’s hilarious… silly people.
    The poor raining Iguanas! I hope it warms up for them.

    OMG that squirrel

    Hope you enjoyed your break! We all need those once and a while

    • Reply


      January 6, 2018

      Hey – if you have someone else to do it for you, that’s just smart! 🙂

  7. Reply


    January 5, 2018

    The squirrel is terrifying! I have always been afraid of squirrels and I think I might have nightmares tonight. I’m not afraid to pump my own gas though.

    • Reply


      January 6, 2018

      I think squirrels are adorable… even if they’re rodents with fluffy tails! The whole scenario about him eating the cookies cracked me up 🙂

  8. Reply

    Krystal Butherus

    January 5, 2018

    AWESOME news that you’re back healthier and happier this year! I look forward to reading your snarky posts. I have heard about the ruckus out in Oregon. I’ve been pumping my own gas since I’ve had my license!

    • Reply


      January 6, 2018

      Thank you so very much! It’s really nice to be back (somewhat) in the groove. I also broke my website today, so there’s that, but we’re back in business! (Thanking the Lord for the auto-backup function!)

  9. Reply


    January 6, 2018

    I’m a NJ girl and do not pump my gas…haha! And I love NJ and NY pizza too but I do not like beef jerky either. I guess there is a black market for beef jerky??

  10. Reply


    January 6, 2018

    I couldn’t believe the story about iguanas! that was completely crazy!

  11. Reply


    January 6, 2018

    That story about iguanas LOL I was like… yep… Florida is OFF my list 🙂 The OR pump thing I find crazy ridiculous… I mean seriously what do they do if they travel south to California? Sit in their cars and wait for someone to pump their gas???

  12. Reply


    January 6, 2018

    haha, I didn’t even know people didn’t pump gas on their own until I heard it on the news. It’s kinda funny in a way as they see it as such a huge problem when it really isnt. They will survive.

  13. Reply

    Prajakta Hagwane

    January 6, 2018

    Your post just cracked me up :D… I love squirrels, however the stor of iguanas was scary :p

  14. Reply

    Patricia-Ann Que

    January 6, 2018

    hilarious! laughing is always a good way to end a long work week, love it!

  15. Reply

    Jenny Thompson

    January 6, 2018

    Beef Jerky for everyone, haha! The squirrel was definitely eating peanut butter cookies, and my favourite type of pizza is Meat Lovers 🙂

  16. Reply


    January 6, 2018

    Just been in the zoo today and I’ve seen iguana in their aquariums and they’re still fine. It’s not as cold as in there in Miami though, the temp. in California is cold but not so freezing like you are experiencing there.

  17. Reply

    Rebecca Sanchez, The Pet Lifestyle Guru at MattieDog

    January 6, 2018

    It was national squirrel day on Friday, so we have to give the squirrel a pass! Regarding Oregon – I have to tell you that this is such a relief! We live in WA and whenever we’d visit Portland we always got scolded by the gas station attendant. Course… now I’ll probably miss it, who will clean my windshield now!?!

  18. Reply


    January 7, 2018

    Omg I can’t wait to share this article with my husband tomorrow! #1 blows mind my mind. So crazy!

  19. Reply


    January 7, 2018

    Hahaha … Thank you for laughing me at the beginning of the day. Great news!

  20. Reply

    Corinne and Kirsty

    January 7, 2018

    Aww I am loving this post. So original and funny. You made my day start well! That squirrel!

  21. Reply

    Kim Lee (@KimsCravings)

    January 7, 2018

    Ha! Love this post and all of the funny news!

  22. Reply

    Leo T. Ly

    January 7, 2018

    my favourite pizza is Hawaiian. I am not sure if I want to share it with a seal though. It’s a good thing that I don’t live that close to a zoo.

  23. Reply


    January 7, 2018

    My favorite one is Meat Bandit. And I wonder why would you need to steal that much meat? Selling to another store? Partying with your friends? Or just fame? Whatever the reason may be, I find it very odd and still can’t get my head around why someone would steal that much beef jerky? JERK.

  24. Reply

    Maria Katsulos

    January 7, 2018

    OMG, these are so funny! Nice to see some happy news topics once in a while, glad you’re putting these together again!

  25. Reply

    Primp and Prime Beauty

    January 7, 2018

    The squirrel video gets me every time! My sister had tagged me in that video and I have kept watching it.

  26. Reply


    January 7, 2018

    This was so hilarious!!! I heard about the iguanas, and how they are affected by the cold. But the meat bandit is just too much!!! 😂😂😂

  27. Reply

    Claudia Krusch

    January 7, 2018

    We have always had self serve gas stations here. I could not imagine having iguanas raining from the trees. I am glad it only stuns them and they are okay after.

  28. Reply


    January 8, 2018

    These are so funny! Those people complaining about pumping their own gas sound like whiny babies.

  29. Reply

    Suzanne Spiegoski-Decamps

    January 8, 2018

    This post is too funny! I am loving your way of telling the news 🙂

  30. Reply


    January 8, 2018

    This blog is making me laugh so much. I heard about the Oregon gas stories and I read so many of the Orgegian people comments and I couldnt stop laughing they think they will die pumping gas.

  31. Reply

    Emmanuel Damian

    January 8, 2018

    Wow! interesting news! Raining Iguanas was the best I have read! Keep it up and post more!

  32. Reply

    Cathleen @ A Taste of Madness

    January 8, 2018

    Omg, that iguana thing freaked me out!! What interesting news.

  33. Reply


    January 8, 2018

    These little snippets are so amazing!! The squirrel post is so hilarious

  34. Reply


    January 8, 2018

    I don’t know what I would do if I wandered into my kitchen and found a squirrel eating out of my cookies. That would seriously shock me!

  35. Reply


    January 8, 2018

    Very cute, and good to see that you are back after the haitus. As for the Oregonians pumping gas, I do find that amusing. Although my dad’s side of the family is from Oregon, so I used to go up there all the time, and that was the deal. I think mostly people are afraid of change. It’s basically the same things that happened here right before they eliminated full service altogether.

  36. Reply

    Sudip Saha

    January 8, 2018

    Thank you for keeping us updated with the news updates. Refreshed my mood.

  37. Reply


    January 8, 2018

    I seriously love your workspace in the top pic and your view. jealous, I would be so inspired there.

  38. Reply


    January 8, 2018

    Those poor iguanas! It would definitely be the candy for me. That little seal would do it all over again and I know I would do anything for a good slice of pizza, too.

  39. Reply


    January 9, 2018

    I would go with So. Much. Candy. if I had $400 or some gas if I am in the mood for a long drive. 🙂

  40. Reply

    Adaleta Avdic (@adaatude)

    January 9, 2018

    All of the people who were up in arms about having to pump their own gas cracked me up. haha

  41. Reply

    Stephanie Jeannot

    January 9, 2018

    I think that when you are used to something such as full service, it is awkward when this is not being offered anymore.

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