It’s Friday the 13th! < insert ominous music here > I’d like to personally thank those of you with paraskevidekatriaphobia (that would be the fear of Friday the 13th) for being brave enough to read this article.
Let’s get started, shall we?
1) Finally – a game show for my generation!
(Before I get started, I would like to state for the record that Jeopardy! is my favorite TV show and Alex Trebek is an international treasure.)
Did you know that 44 million Americans have outstanding student loan debt, worth a combined total of $1.5 TRILLION?! (That’s scarier than Friday the 13th, isn’t it?) Millennials (those of us born between 1981 and 1996) make up an enormous percentage of that burden, with 63% of us carrying student loan debt over $10,000.
There’s a potential light at the end of the tunnel! The folks over at TruTV decided to give the people what they want: a game show where you can win money to pay off your student loans. All you have to do is answer trivia questions (correctly… duh!), and the grand prize is the total amount you owe!
Host Michael Torpey closes each episode the same way: “We helped four people pay off their student debt today. But there are 45 million Americans out there struggling with their student loans. It doesn’t have to be this way. Call your representatives right now and tell them we need a better solution than this game show.”
Mr. Torpey also shared in the first episode how he was able to pay off his student loans – he booked an underwear commercial. Alas, this is not really a door that’s open for me, so I guess I need to get started on my application. #wompwomp
2) This is why you shouldn’t leave your keys in your car
There are a variety of reasons why you shouldn’t leave your keys in your car, but this story tops the list. A woman in Canada accidentally stole someone’s car and drove it around for two weeks because she thought it was her rental car.
Let that sink in for a minute.
It all started in a Walmart parking lot. (Nothing good ever happens in a Walmart parking lot, does it?) A woman parked her rented black Nissan sedan in the lot and ran into Wally World to do some shopping. When she came back outside, she hopped into a black car and sped away. The problem? She got into an Infiniti SUV which belonged to a nice gentleman who also happened to be doing some shopping that day.
She drove around for TWO WEEKS before she returned the car – two weeks in a car with a dirty ashtray and golf clubs in the back. (She made sure to complain about this when she attempted to return the vehicle). The manager was rightfully baffled (they didn’t even rent Infinitis!) but finally put two and two together when he recalled a certain gentleman who rented a car recently after his Infiniti was stolen.
The guy got his car back, no charges were filed, and everyone lived happily ever after because they are Canadian.
3) Meet the Employee of the Decade
Municipal jobs are highly desirable for many reasons – good benefits, job security, etc. If you’re interested, you should definitely consider the Spanish city of Cádiz, as they paid Joaquín García for over a decade without his having to… well… do any actual work.
Back in 2010, Sr. García was due to be honored for his 20 years of service. The man who hired him wondered where the hell the Employee of the Decade was, as he had not physically seen him in years. Someone finally had the genius idea to call and ask what he had been doing all that time: “What did you do yesterday? And the previous month? He could not answer.”
“I’ve been working like a dog… working like a dog so that others can reap the rewards of my work.”
– a true quote from Joaquín García, whose pantalones are actively on fire
The investigation discovered that Sr. García showed up to work every day at 7:30AM, punched in, and then went AWOL until coming back at 4PM to punch out. Not a bad gig if you can get it.
I should probably also mention that he was getting paid $80,000 USD a year.
Fast forward to this past week, where a court ordered him to pay back the amount of one year’s salary after taxes and – brace yourself – forbade him from working in public service jobs for nine years.
THE MAN IS 69 YEARS OLD. I’m sure he’s just devastated.
4) Honesty is always the best policy
[Editorial note: I do not condone drunk driving in any manner, shape, or form. I just couldn’t resist sharing this guy’s frankness!]
Drunk driving arrests (and dangerous driving of all types) always seem to spike with the warm weather. Police in Rock Hill, SC had a prime example of that this week when they pulled over a man who blew through a stop sign and swerved in and out of lanes. When officers confronted him, they discovered he was eating a Jersey Mike’s sub and had mustard “all over his hands and face”. His matter-of-fact statement:
“We both know I’m drunk… take me to jail.”
Ask and ye shall receive.
[Editorial note #2: In my reading the article about this incident, I discovered that a woman also recently arrested in Rock Hill, SC for DUI had been found with ice cream all over her face. What the hell is going on in Rock Hill, SC?]
5) The streets are safe once more
Remember the FBI agent who accidentally shot someone (and then walked away!) while participating in a dance-off in a nightclub? Allow me to refresh your memory, as it was caught on camera:
A court this week ruled that
this fool FBI agent Chase Bishop could carry his service weapon again, “so long as it is done in a manner pursuant to FBI policy”. I’m not sure what FBI policy is regarding dancing like no one’s watching – could anyone help me out?
Would you compete on a game show to get rid of your student loans? Are you going to sleep more soundly knowing that the Dancing FBI agent is armed once again? Aren’t you just the tiniest bit jealous of Sr. García? Let’s discuss in the comments!