Naughty Catholic Schoolgirls, parochial school, Catholic memes, Catholic jokes, Catholic humor, spiritual bouquet

Naughty Catholic Schoolgirls

May 15, 2017 26 Comments

My mother recently moved out of the house I grew up in – a process that naturally requires sifting through a lot of “stuff”. I know we’re all supposed to be minimalists and sparking joy to the point that we’re starting small fires, but I think that gene might be recessive in our family. I certainly don’t have it, judging by the sheer amount of cat toys underneath my dining room table alone.

But I digress. (As usual.)

Anyhow, a few months ago, Mom brought up a few shoeboxes full of pictures for us to sift through. I have this Big Idea™ that involves scanning all these photographs, making them digitally available to anyone in the family who wants them (anyone who has any ideas on how to best do this – please let me know!), and capturing the stories behind them. Hear me out!

Rather than just having a photo and a sentence that reads “Aunt Helga and Uncle Floyd, 1946”, I think it would be so much more compelling to put my mom’s anecdotes along with the photos. They might be only a few sentences here and there (“This was taken in front of Nana’s house on Morrison Avenue – we always sat on that stoop!” / “Good Lord, he NEVER took that coat off!” / etc.) but they honor the memories of people who are no longer with us.

Look at me, still digressing.

Anyhow, tucked in among all the photos were some old greeting cards that my mother and her brother had given to their parents over the years – birthdays, Christmas, etc. Some were handmade, but many were religious in nature – not surprising, seeing as how my mother attended parochial school her entire life.

One Mother’s Day card in particular caught my eye – it was remarkably well-preserved. I opened it up, read the inside, and smiled at the childlike cursive (still WAY better than mine!).

Naughty Catholic Schoolgirls, parochial school, Catholic memes, Catholic jokes, Catholic humor, spiritual bouquet

HOWEVER… 

I then turned to the spiritual bouquet on the left side of the card. If you’re not Catholic, a spiritual bouquet is a series of prayers or acts that someone does in honor or on behalf of someone else. I scanned it quickly, and then… well…

Naughty Catholic Schoolgirls, parochial school, Catholic memes, Catholic jokes, Catholic humor, spiritual bouquet

Me: “Mom, what the @$%& is an ejaculation?”

Mom: “WHAT?!”

It was like the sex talk all over again, only this time both of us were laughing hysterically. (I was cackling, to be honest.)

My mother, educated by nuns her entire life, could not remember what an ejaculation was, or why on Earth she had promised 500 of them to her mother. Talk about a naughty Catholic schoolgirl! Sister Mary Agnes would be so disappointed.

(Thanks to Google, we learned that they are very short prayers, and are now more commonly called aspirations. Probably a good move on the Vatican’s part!)

I think the best part of this whole story is when my husband came walking into the room to see what all the racket was about. We showed him the card and looked at him expectantly, tears of laughter rolling down our faces.

Mr. Seeking Ambition: “Guys, it’s really not that funny.”

Naughty Catholic schoolgirls, indeed!

26 Comments

  1. Reply

    Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    May 15, 2017

    OMG I am dying over here. I have never seen that in all my years, but that is hysterical. Thanks for the laugh!!

  2. Reply

    makeamomsmile

    May 15, 2017

    This made me laugh. From the title to the back of the card I was giggling, thinking of my very catholics grandparents and cleaning out their house.

  3. Reply

    John

    May 15, 2017

    HAHAHA! It is strange how word meanings are forgotten / changed over time.

  4. Reply

    Kimberly Hsieh

    May 15, 2017

    This blog post made me laugh a bit haha. It’s weird how word meanings change!

  5. Reply

    Jessica Taylor

    May 15, 2017

    Omg that is so funny! I would’ve died if my mom would’ve given me that! So weird how meanings change over time, especially that drastically lol.

  6. Reply

    Anne Raymond

    May 15, 2017

    That is so OMG funny. Love it. I can relate as we just finished clearing my parents’ house. My Mom had been in it for 58 years. Talk about stuff. We didn’t find anything that funny but we did find their WWII love letters. One of them had my father apologizing to my Catholic schooled Mother for being a little too forward on one of their dates. Who knew?

  7. Reply

    Ana De-Jesus

    May 15, 2017

    OH MY GOD THAT IS SO FUNNY. 500 ejaculations is rather ambitious I have to say and in a mothers day card, could there be any greater joke? Lol x

  8. Reply

    thehouseturnedhome

    May 15, 2017

    I laughed so hard! The innocence of children is so funny! I wonder what her mom’s reaction was when she recieved the card!?

  9. Reply

    Erin

    May 15, 2017

    What’s so funny is that isn’t it an aspiration that leads to ejaculation? 🤔

  10. Reply

    Amber

    May 15, 2017

    Oh my gosh, this is SO funny! I’m not religious, so I didn’t even realize it had something to do with that. I immediately thought the dirty one, ha.

  11. Reply

    Shevoneese

    May 15, 2017

    Lol! Funny indeed. I can just imagine the look on both of your faces! Great post

  12. Reply

    thehappyhomeacre

    May 15, 2017

    Oh my word. Lol. No wonder they renamed it!

  13. Reply

    Claudia Krusch

    May 15, 2017

    I can just imagine the two of you laughing so hard at that. You can find so many forgotten treasures when you move.

  14. Reply

    sincerelyophelia

    May 15, 2017

    That’s really funny! Cracking up now! Thanks for sharing this funny story!

    XOXO //
    SINCERELY OPHELIA | NYC Petite Fashion Blogger

  15. Reply

    Schoolin' Reyes

    May 16, 2017

    My husband and son are asleep next to me… or they were until I woke them laughing. This is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

  16. Reply

    wonderlingblog

    May 16, 2017

    HAHA I can totally imagine that is a point you would definitely need clarification on!

  17. Reply

    Jenni Petrey

    May 16, 2017

    Bahahaha, that is hilarious. I can imagine the conversation and resulting laughter that would have followed. I am glad that they decided to change the name!

  18. Reply

    Elizabeth O.

    May 16, 2017

    I think this is hilarious! I honestly thought it was a sweet innocent card given by a child to her mother. I never expected to see anything like that! LOL.

  19. Reply

    Krista Bel

    May 16, 2017

    Okay I have to show this to my boyfriend. He’s catholic and he’ll definitely find this hilarious

  20. Reply

    Sandra crespo

    May 16, 2017

    Oh my goodness this made me literally LOL 😂 This was too funny !

  21. Reply

    Rebecca Swenor

    May 17, 2017

    I have to admit I thought the Spiritual Bouquet to be funny but than I grow up catholic too. The 500 ejaculation would mean a naughty catholic schoolgirl. Oh the guilt we all felt as children. lol Thanks for sharing your story.

  22. Reply

    Hannah Marie

    May 17, 2017

    This is so hilarious! This is the first time I heard about the Spiritual Bouquet, didn’t know there we things like that. Naughty indeed!

  23. Reply

    cristinaleau

    May 17, 2017

    Yes it is, It is that funny :)) I think it’s a great idea to scan the photos and to add those little funny comments. It will make you smile when you will read them 🙂

  24. Reply

    Hey Sharonoox

    May 17, 2017

    I need some laughter today. Thanks for sharing this funny story.

  25. Reply

    Peachy @ The Peach Kitchen

    May 18, 2017

    OMG! I was laughing really hard here. I am a Catholic but I’ve never heard that short prayers were called ejaculations before…

  26. Reply

    Tione

    May 22, 2017

    I always scan my old documents and save them to an email so that I can find them for later use.

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