I am an ENORMOUS fan of the Throwback Jam™ – particularly when it comes to the R&B ouevre. Last week, I was listening to the hip-hop/R&B/Throwback Jam™ station on SiriusXM when “Anniversary” by Tony! Toni! Toné! (remember when groups could get away with calling themselves shit like this?!) came on.
I hadn’t heard the song in ages, but remembered the chorus instantly, primarily because it’s always driven me $%&@ing crazy:
♫ “Dooooo yooooou know what today is? It’s our anniversary.” ♫
Bitch, I don’t need you to tell me what today is! Nor do I need Tony!, Toni!, or even Toné! to mansplain it to me. Women INVENTED anniversaries. Do you think men would be celebrating them if it weren’t for us? I don’t think so.
But, I digress.
As it turns out, my wedding anniversary was this past weekend, so the dulcet tones of the various Tonii got me thinking about our anniversary plans – as in… we didn’t have any. Even worse, I didn’t have a Big, Giant Gift planned. This isn’t a milestone anniversary for us (like, say, 1 year, or 10 years, or a Diamond Jubilee). What’s the traditional gift to give the person who you’ve spent practically half your life with… when you just gave them a birthday present three weeks ago?)
Traditional anniversary gift ideas are weird
“Happy 6th anniversary, darling. Have a Werther’s Original.”
Modern anniversary gift ideas are weirder
“Happy 13th anniversary, sweetheart. I hope you enjoy this faux fur stole.”
(And don’t even get me started on the desk set idea. Who am I, your fucking secretary?! GAHHHHHHH!)
Luckily for me, I do not live in the tin or aluminum gift-giving days of yore. This is because I am a Trekkie, and nowhere on the above chart do I see the appropriate anniversary for exchanging Star Trek-themed anniversary gifts.
Seriously, though – the best gifts I have are my memories. Times I spend creating memories with my husband, whether it’s doing something exciting like exploring a place we’ve never been before, or something cozy and familiar, like relaxing into his arms as we watch TV at night… these are the things I treasure most. As the years pass, I just want more of them.
But, I’m not going to lie – the goat portrait he bought me this year is pretty damn awesome too.