It was a year ago this week that I was at the Cape Cod Writers Conference, scribbling ideas for future bestsellers so quickly that my handwriting was completely illegible. Sadly, that was the last time I actually wrote anything that wasn’t for work or school. In the past year, I’ve written hundreds of work-related e-mails (many of which consisted of me apologizing for things that I had no control over, like the fact that it is impossible to fit six grown men into one Lincoln Town Car) and several academic papers on thrilling topics like plate tectonics and the many uses of Microsoft Excel. At this point, I could have written an actual book of
reasons excuses of why I can’t/don’t/won’t write anything creative.
Having an artist as a spouse, people invariably turn to me at social engagements and say, “And what do you do, dear?” What I want to be able to say is, “I’m a writer.” But in order for that not to be complete BS, I have to actually compose something aside from a grocery list.
My problem is that I can never bring myself to get started on the actual writing part. For instance, before I sit down to write the fantasy novel that’s been percolating inside my head for years, I feel compelled to map the invented language down to the past perfect progressive tense. To be truthful, there is a larger problem at work. I like to be the best at everything I do. This is difficult in a field that is largely subjective. No matter what I write, someone might like it and someone might hate it. Fear of failure, or of not being number one, keeps me from putting pencil to paper. (To quote Ricky Bobby, “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”)
So, I am ripping off the proverbial Band-Aid. I have officially started a blog. I’m not sure where this exercise will take me, but I appreciate that you’re along for the ride, whoever you are. I am Blonde Seeking Ambition… here’s hoping I find it.