Don’t Make a New Year’s Resolution Until You Read This

January 5, 2017 23 Comments

With the arrival of a new year, many people swear things off: sweets; alcohol; the sweet, sweet allure of trashy celebrity gossip. However, just as many people resolve to try something NEW: learn a new language, try their hand at cooking, or perhaps attempt to fit into clothing they wore several presidential administrations ago.

Most of these brave souls, desperate for guidance on their quest, turn to none other than the internet. What are Americans desperate to learn how to do? The folks over at Estately have compiled a list of which “how to” questions people in each state are Googling more often than any other state… and it’s… eye-opening, to say the very least! It’s important to note that these are not the most Googled “how to” questions overall in each state – just what people in each state are Googling more often than in every other state.

Estately, New Year's Resolutions, New Year, resolutions, Happy New Year, How-To, what states google more than others, what people google, what people google more than others

So many questions… leading to so many more questions. Let’s do a deeper dive, shall we?

Arizona

  • How to day drink?
    • I’m… pretty sure it’s just as simple as drinking while the flaming orb in the sky is visible.

California

  • How to draw a circle?
  • How to be a badass?
  • How to jumprope?
  • How to be a troll?
    • These must all be from the same person. Excellent trolling, sir or madam.

Connecticut

  • How to be pretty?
    • People from Massachusetts have a general disdain for people from Connecticut, and this question isn’t helping matters. #sorrynotsorry

Florida

  • How to get out of Florida?
    • I don’t want to brag, but I’ve gotten in AND out of Florida several times… via plane and car. I believe you can also use a boat.

Georgia

  • How to hotwire a car?
  • How to get rid of herpes?
  • How to crack a safe?
  • How to get a divorce?
  • How to become a porn star?
  • How to become a stripper?
  • How to make alcohol?
  • How to make meth?
    • WHOA! SLOW YOUR ROLL, GEORGIA! Jeez Louise! Perhaps the people who want to leave Florida should go via Alabama, because there is some shit going down in the Peach State!

Hawaii

  • How to swim?
    • Fun fact: Hawaii is literally surrounded by water.

Kansas

  • How to find Kansas?
    • I… I have no words.

Kentucky

  • How to make a baby?
    • Shoutout to all the September babies coming our way… sigh…

New York

  • How to give yourself a hickey?
  • How to stop being a loser?
    • These are mutually exclusive.

Oklahoma

  • How to sext?
    • Please tell me there’s a blog out there dedicated to awkward Oklahoman attempts at sexting… because I would TOTALLY read it!

Rhode Island

  • How to make money selling drugs?
    • Become a pharmaceutical rep!

Texas

  • How to bathe a cat?
    • Carefully.
  • How to be gay?
    • Carefully, in Texas.

 

People are definitely trying to learn how to do “normal” things: make jewelry; play chess; lower their blood pressure; juggle; get on Wheel of Fortune. So don’t be totally freaked out by your friends and neighbors… unless you happen to live in Georgia. There’s definitely something in the water there! 😉

 

Are you planning to learn anything new this year? Tell me about it in the comments!

23 Comments

  1. Reply

    Belle

    January 5, 2017

    All I want is to relax more and sleep longer. I wish I could do it. Lol

    Belle | One Awesome Momma

  2. Reply

    Lacey

    January 5, 2017

    This is hilarious! Love that TN didn’t make the list for anything too crazy!

    HNY!

    xx,

    Lacey
    http://www.theglittergospelblog.com
    @wearetheglittergospel on IG

  3. Reply

    Cuddlepill

    January 5, 2017

    HA! I cracked up when I got to Georgia. These are too good.

    Christina | http://www.cuddlepill.com

  4. Reply

    redheadbabymama

    January 5, 2017

    Yikes… I’m from GA and I can say that I’ve only googled how to crack a safe… HA! My mom’s 1912 house had a vintage wall safe that was locked for years. She ended up calling a locksmith to help.

  5. Reply

    Julie Porter

    January 5, 2017

    I absolutely love your writing style and this post is just cracking me up! Remind me to stay out of Georgia, that state sounds like a hot mess 🙂

  6. Reply

    cvnxena

    January 5, 2017

    wow, I am just trying to get a grips with all of my current projects and be more organised, rather than taking on something new this year!

  7. Reply

    lovelysilvia

    January 5, 2017

    Love that you did this! None of these are on my goals list but they are funny!

  8. Reply

    Jalisa Marie

    January 5, 2017

    I’ve become homey since staying home as a mom. I definitely want to try more diy things.

  9. Reply

    Jen Smith

    January 5, 2017

    You can use a boat to get out of Florida, we call them cruises.

  10. Reply

    Catherine Murton

    January 5, 2017

    Only in Arizona do we google “How to Day Drink!”. That’s hilarious. I guess when it’s 120 outside your brain melts a little and you need help “day drinking”

  11. Reply

    CoCo

    January 5, 2017

    This is too funny! Living in Wisconsin I am not surprised by the how to search but its been quite a few years…why are people still searching that!!

  12. Reply

    Joanna @ Everyday Made Fresh

    January 5, 2017

    Lol, what some crazy questions! I live in Florida, and I can actually see that being googled! Most people I know who live here want to move away, including myself. I know that living in a tourist destination it’s actually hard to sale your house. Maybe that’s what they should be googling…how to move out of Florida!

  13. Reply

    jlawsonn

    January 5, 2017

    Those were hilarious 🙂 It’s always so funny to see what people google ….I do feel as though there’s really some shit going on down in georgia.

  14. Reply

    Roxanne

    January 5, 2017

    If I learn nothing else new this year….this will be enough! LOL Best thing I’ve read all week!

  15. Reply

    Bridget (Nutty Hiker)

    January 5, 2017

    LMAO those are hilarious! I should google “how to stop eating chocolate without killing anyone” lol

  16. Reply

    taylorannes95

    January 6, 2017

    These are SO funny. I laughed at all the states I have lived in!! Totally true for some of them!

  17. Reply

    Katya

    January 6, 2017

    Hahahaha these are just hilarious! I totally get why New Yorkers are googling “how not to be a loser” because the competition here is crazy!

    I’m not that good with new year resolutions so I’m planning on continuing learning English I guess. That’s it!

    http://stylesprinter.com

  18. Reply

    CECILIA keki CANNON (@homewithkeki)

    January 6, 2017

    what is up illinois? my home state, beanie babies, lol. I don’t even own one, guess that is way so many are googling how to sell it, no one is buying them. so funny

  19. Reply

    Mommy Engineering

    January 6, 2017

    LOL these are hilarious! I love it! Definitely going to share this!

  20. Reply

    Dawn McAlexander

    January 6, 2017

    Interesting that the state that I live in Googles how to be awesome more than any other. It leads you to believe that no one in our state is awesome. Great.

  21. Reply

    The Trophy WifeStyle

    January 7, 2017

    Omg this is just hilarious!!! The things the people google amazes me!!!! How to has a cat?!?! Lol

  22. Reply

    Jazz

    January 8, 2017

    The Texas one is creeping me out and, as a Texan, I can say I’ve never searched any of those!

  23. Reply

    HilLesha O'Nan

    January 8, 2017

    I thought Indiana was pretty bad, but it sounds like the Peach State takes the cake! These are way too funny.

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