deal with it, blonde seeking ambition, rating, lists, questions in songs, song questions, dumb songs, stupid songs, stupid questions

Deal With It: A Definitive, Yet Non-Exhaustive, Rating Of Questions Asked In Songs

June 23, 2016 3 Comments

Music moves us, soothes us, and often grooves us. Today, it also behooves me to not only apparently rhyme, but to share my feelings on the burning (and often moronic) questions posed in some well-known jams.

Deal With It: A Definitive, Yet Non-Exhaustive, Rating Of Questions Asked In Songs

“What is love?” – “What Is Love” by Haddaway

If you’re not singing “… Baby, don’t hurt me – don’t hurt me – NO MO’…” as you read this, then you are in serious need of a dance party intervention. (Or, you could just watch the Saturday Night Live sketch that permanently embedded this song into America’s heads.) This song is fucking epic. A+

“How do I know when it’s love?” – “When It’s Love” by Van Halen

I’m starting to feel like an advice columnist here. I feel as this is one of those things you just… know. Like that quote from Justice Stewart regarding pornography: “I know it when I see it.” I like the song well enough, despite it being Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen, but I’m deducting several points for Sammy’s enormous Hammer pants and Michael Anthony’s Mickey Mouse tank top. C-

“Tell me have you ever really, really, really ever loved a woman?” – “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?” – Bryan Adams

I’m going to flip the script and apply this to ANYTHING. Loved? Yes. Really loved? Yes. Really, really loved? Maybe…? Really, REALLY, really ever loved? Nope. D

“AM I SEXUAL?” – “Everybody” (Backstreet’s Back) by Backstreet Boys

This song came out in 1997, and the sound of Nick Carter shrieking “Am I SEX-U-AL?” still sends me into full-body cringe mode. C+

“Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?”– “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?” by Culture Club

Boy George feels our feels, more than we ever will. B

“Where do you go?” – “Where Do You Go?” by No Mercy

Holy shit – I never realized what a stalker jam this was! Granted… I was in junior high when it came out, so I wasn’t really on the lookout for such things, but… WOW. Where did they go? I’m giving them a half letter grade bump for their exuberant dance moves. (Really… worth a watch!) B-

“Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?” – “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne

Oh, Avril. I remember when you were all innocent and angsty… when you hung out at the mall with your friends… before you married Lord Kroeger of Nickelback. Riddle me this, Avril – why’d YOU have to go and make things so complicated? B

“Are we human? Or are we dancer?” – “Human” by the Killers

Are these the only two options? I’m a really bad dancer, so I’m going with option A. But this song gets a C

“Am I… your fire? Your one… desire?” – “I Want It That Way” by Backstreet Boys

Aaaaand we’re back! The Backstreet Boys are, well, back… and they want to know WHY-EEE they’re not getting it their way. This song (and its accompanying video) is iconic, and will always and forever be A+ 

“Who let the dogs out?” – “Who Let The Dogs Out?” by the Baha Men

THIS SONG WON A FUCKING GRAMMY. Think about that, people. F

“Are you Jimmy Ray? WHO WANTS TO KNOW?!?!” – “Are You Jimmy Ray?” by Jimmy Ray

This song is a personal favorite of mine (and my friend Julie!) – although to date, I’ve never met anyone else who’s ever heard of Jimmy Ray. About 75% of this song is in the form of questions: A bevy of beauties ask Jimmy Ray a series of increasingly ridiculous questions, and Jimmy Ray gets indignant and repeatedly yells, “WHO WANTS TO KNOW? WHO WANTS TO KNOW ‘BOUT ME?!”

I want to know, Jimmy Ray. I do. A

 

3 Comments

  1. Reply

    cailynb

    June 23, 2016

    I nominate “Are You that Somebody” by the late, great, Aaliyah
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjDM0Fz5ccU

    Tell me, are YOU resssponnnsiblllee?

    • Reply

      Caitlin

      June 25, 2016

      YES! Come for the question, stay for the weird baby cooing in the background!

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