As previously threatened, this is a post rating various types of gummi candy my husband gave me as a present. Sadly, he didn’t bring me home anything in gummi form from his trip to China last month – only a bag of spicy yet savory, dry yet moist, cracker/cake/bun things that I can’t tell if I like or not. Also, you have to eat them over the sink because they shatter into a million pieces once you take the first bite. This is yet another reason why foods in gummi form reign supreme. But, I digress.
To placate me, Mr. Seeking Ambition provided me with a fine selection of gummi candies from the Land of the Rising Sun. (Is it weird that whenever I say the word “Japan” in my head, it’s always in the voice of the announcer from Street Fighter II?)
Deal With It: A Definitive, Yet Non-Exhaustive, Rating of Japanese Gummi Candy
The description on the bag reads: “Every drop of fresh apple juice, carefully pressed from the reddest apples, shining in colors of the cheeks of a snow-country child, is yours to enjoy in each soft and juicy Kasugai Apple Gummy Candy.”
WOW. Now THAT is advertising! I am expecting to be blown away. As an apple juice enthusiast, I can’t wait to try these. I also feel a pang of omnipresent Catholic guilt for stealing these hypothetical apples away from hypothetical snow-country children (who are also waif-like, in my mind).
[Side note: I was not expecting all these gummis to be individually wrapped, but, here they are.]
It smells sweet, and vaguely familiar, but not like apple juice. It tastes pretty good though… but also not like apple juice. B-
The description on the bag reads: “Enjoy the softness of gentle breeze that sweeps through the vineyard spread vast on the hill in each soft and juicy Kasugai Grape Gummy Candy”. Don’t mind if I do!
HOLY SHIT THIS SMELLS EXACTLY LIKE CONCORD GRAPES. Not even kidding – I am instantly transported back to my youth… it’s just about dusk at the end of a long, hot summer day. The air in my backyard is thick and humid, and the perfume of the Concord grapevines fills my nose and mouth.
Amazing. And I haven’t even bitten into the damn thing yet.
Aaaaand when I do – perfection. Arguably better than the real thing, as there’s no risk of pits, rotten fruit, or errant bird shit. Also, it’s in gummi form. A+
The description on the bag reads: “Lychee is a fruit originally grown in Southern China and said to have been favored by Yang Guifei. Kasugai Lychee Gummi Candy are gummy candy which has the flavor and texture of the original fruit.”
I didn’t know what a lychee was before I started, and I still don’t know. However, my friend Wikipedia tells me that Yang Guifei was the favorite concubine of Emperor Xuanzong, and she was such a hot little tamale that she caused not only his downfall, but that of the entire Tang dynasty. Also, she was apparently full-figured and liked fruit. Now THAT I can identify with.
Welp… it doesn’t smell vile, or taste horrible, but it doesn’t exactly smell appetizing, or taste good either. Worst of all, I still don’t know what the hell a lychee is supposed to taste like. Color me meh. C-
Based on the previous grape-flavored offering, I’m already salivating before I’ve even opened the bag. The description reads: “Its translucent color so alluring and taste and aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady. Enjoy soft and juicy Kasugai Muscat Gummy Candy”.
Hmm. I feel a little dirty… but I’m going for it.
It smells good, but I am not waxing poetic about my childhood backyard, if you know what I mean. It tastes like a lesser Concord grape, but I’m OK with that. It is what it says it is – gentle, mellow… if I were graceful, instead of vaguely emu-esque, I would offer my admiring feelings. B+
I have no idea what a yuzu is… looks somewhat like a lemon, so I’m holding out hope. The description reads: “Yuzu is known for its aroma, characteristic acidic taste and is a popular citrus fruit in Japan. Enjoy the delicious flavor in Kasugai Yuzu Gummy Candy.” OK… I’m hoping to open the wrapper and be bitchslapped by a strong, delicious, citrus smell!
Welp, this is going to sound strange, but its smell is VERY reminiscent of an eraser. Specifically, like a Pink Pearl rubber eraser.
Despite the “aroma”, I forged on and ate a gummi. To my surprise, it was bright, bold, and citrus-y. I rather liked it! It tastes much better than it smells. And while that’s probably not the best advertising slogan out there, I’m sticking with it. B