Christmas Presents to Delight Your Friends and Injure Your Children

· "You'll shoot your eye out!" ·

December 22, 2016 0 Comments

There’s been quite a few gift guides going around this season, but I haven’t seen any dedicated specifically to the Dangerous Christmas Present. You know the ones I’m talking about – the ones guaranteed to shoot your eye out, the ones with tiny parts just aching to be swallowed, the ones with lasers that will probably blind you or light your carpet on fire.

Luckily (?) for us, the folks over at W.A.T.C.H. (that would be the World Against Toys Causing Harm, Inc.) have compiled a list of the “10 Worst Toys of 2016”. You could just run out and buy all of them… but I’ll give you the curated highlights. No thanks necessary… I’m just a humble humanitarian.

 

 

Warcraft Doomhammer

World of Warcraft. Warcraft Doomhammer, Christmas gift, Christmas present, dangerous Christmas present, dangerous Christmas gift, awful Christmas present, awful Christmas gift, worst toys, worst toys of 2016,

Children 6 years and older are encouraged to “feel the power of the horde!” as they rain blows down upon their siblings’ heads! Oh, wait… I may have made that last part up.

 

Nerf Rival Apollo XV-700 Blaster

Nerf, Nerf gun, Nerf Rival Apollo XV 700 Blaster, Christmas gift, Christmas present, dangerous Christmas present, dangerous Christmas gift, awful Christmas present, awful Christmas gift, worst toys, worst toys of 2016

According to the W.A.T.C.H. website, the Nerf Rival gun “has an ‘easy-load magazine’, which enables ‘precision battling’ during ‘intense head-to-head competition’.”

Well, if that doesn’t scream good old-fashioned family fun, I don’t know what does!

 

Banzai Bump n’ Bounce Body Bumpers

Body Bumpers, Banzai Bump n Bounce Body Bumpers. Christmas gift, Christmas present, dangerous Christmas present, dangerous Christmas gift, awful Christmas present, awful Christmas gift, worst toys, worst toys of 2016

Okay… the picture on the front of this box makes it pretty self-explanatory as to why these things are 1) really freaking dangerous, and 2) really freaking awesome.

 

Flying Heroes Superman Launcher

Flying Heroes Superman Launcher, Flying Heroes, Superman Launcher, Superman, Christmas gift, Christmas present, dangerous Christmas present, dangerous Christmas gift, awful Christmas present, awful Christmas gift, worst toys, worst toys of 2016

The front of the box: “Grip it! Rip it!”

The back of the box: “at arm’s length and pointing up and away from your face….”

4-year-olds are noted for following directions. There’s no way anyone will get hurt using this.

 

 

There’s one holiday gift that I got VERY excited about, but it turned out to be an elaborate ruse:

Fisher-Price Happy Hour Playset, Happy Hour playset, Christmas gift, Christmas present, dangerous Christmas present, dangerous Christmas gift, awful Christmas present, awful Christmas gift, worst toys, worst toys of 2016

Fisher-Price actually had to issue denials that this was not a real thing. I am not making this up.

 

After perusing the Worst Toys List, I’ve found some correlations between what’s dangerous for small children is also what will definitely still entertain adolescent and grown men. So… there’s that! #science

What’s the most dangerous Christmas present you got as a child? You’re still here reading this blog post, so it couldn’t have been all that bad…

What's on your mind?

RELATED POST

%d bloggers like this: